Cold Wars

I know I've not posted in a while, even though the ten business days was up a while ago, but--settling into the new place, new responsibilities, et cetera.  Hopefully I can be forgiven. ;)

Anyway.  For the purposes of this topic, we'll use Merriam-Webster's second definition of "Cold War": a condition of rivalry, mistrust, and often open hostility short of violence [...].  Funny thing about cold wars--two (or more, but we'll stick to two) sides of a conflict, each believing that they are Right (yes, with a capital R).  A line is drawn, sides are taken, with those who abstain from officially taking a side considered to be unofficially siding with "the enemy".

Really, personal cold wars aren't all that much different from national ones.  There's a conflict, say over money, a love interest, a perceived lack of duty/loyalty/honor/what-have-you.  Sure, the scale is different, but the basics are rather similar.  For one thing, lives can be irrevocably altered by personal cold wars; someone you thought was your best friend becomes your most hated rival, families torn apart over ideological differences, one's very outlook on life altered and shaken.  If you're the introspective type, it makes you wonder what it's all "for".  Is all of that barely-contained hatred really worth holding onto?  The problem is that in some cases, it might just be justified.

Of course, there's such a thing as going too far, also.  For instance, let's say that a personal cold war gets started over money.  One who feels "burned" by the whole affair may be a good deal more cautious with their finances in the future, not quite as ready to help others who claim to need it, yet still at least open to the possibility.  On the other, extreme, hand, one may become so much of a miser that they no longer feel anything but scorn and even hatred for those who claim to need money.  Or, say, a personal cold war started over a love interest.  The one who feels "burned" may become more cautious about whom they give their heart to, in any form of relationship, though still keeping their heart open enough for the possibility of friendship or even love.  On the extreme hand, one might become so hard-hearted that everyone is viewed with mistrust and open suspicion.  Lamentably, such "extreme" cases are hard to look down upon.

The real problem with cold wars on any scale is how to end them.  Some simply cannot be ended, merely put on the proverbial back-burner, set aside for other pursuits.  In my experience, personal cold wars are hard indeed to end.  Truces can rarely if ever be called; both parties find it difficult nearly to impossibility to trust one another again, even to simply the point of ending hostilities.  I wish I had some easy, step-by-step advice on how to do just that, but alas, I do not.  Many people have been involved in personal cold wars, and I would be surprised indeed if any have any concrete advice--though, of course, on such an issue as this, advice in indeed welcome.

The lamentable thing about it all is that personal cold wars destroy personal relationships--while not on the scale of national ones, such endings feel so much more brutal.  You cannot look at a spot that, say, you and your once-best friend enjoyed going to regularly without at the least feeling some sort of negative, intense emotion.  Often, such emotions are disgust, anger, or even hatred.  It's a shame, really.

I suppose that if I had advice, it would be this: Keep your eyes open, learn from everything that happens to and around you, and never lose sight of the good times once shared.  Even if the relationship is severed brutally, there still must be good memories there.  One cannot feel intense anger over a betrayal if one was not emotionally invested in the relationship in the first place.  Never forget the cause of the severance, but never either forget the laughter shared, the infectious happiness.  That might just make enduring the severance a bit more easily gone through.  Good luck to anyone going through just that.